The Tuesday following, while I was alone and resting, a wonderful thing happened. Slowly, an intense awareness developed. Someone was with me. My heart thrilled; the room seemed charged with His presence; a great sense of light was borne in upon me. For two or three hours I was deeply aware of a wonderful companion spirit, not hearing anything, nor seeing anything, but just knowing.

   Later, lunch was brought in. The vision dimmed, and yet something had occurred, a new start had been made. From that morning, a hatred of sin was born. Till then I had hated the consequence of sin, the shame of failure, the fear of exposure. But somehow I lacked a hatred for the sin itself. In fact there was a curious liking for it; in its way it was pleasurable. I wished to be freed, and yet I wanted to enjoy it. Suddenly I now knew an intense hatred of all that had crucified my Lord. It was the turning-point for me. The downward path from the peak of happiness, with its puzzlements and questionings, was arrested. Suddenly the next peak stood out clearly ahead. The encircling mist had lifted and left the way clear and inviting. He who was calling me on to service overseas was standing there, gently smiling, promising His presence and companionship and enabling, telling me to look forward and upward, not backward or inward. Suddenly the months of struggle and longing were over, I was satisfied. Not that my doubts were exactly explained; they no longer seemed to need explanation. 

Give Me This Mountain - Dr. Helen Roseveare