Mike Focht 11/14/2025
What does the Bible say about the role of a pastor's wife? The answer is very simple. The Bible is clear that a pastor's wife is a woman married to a pastor.
What else does the Bible say? Nothing.
The Bible does not explicitly state her life position or church responsibility. There is no biblically recognized church office of “pastors wife.” The Bible has very specific commands for the elder, deacon, or deaconess and even for the widow looking to receive monetary help from the church. But when it comes to the role of a pastor's wife, the Scriptures are silent on particulars.
Far from being meaningless, this non-clarity does tell us something important. Since God doesn't say anything specific about the role of a pastor's wife, we must pay attention to what God says generally to married women. The role of the pastor's wife in the church is the same as the role of the doctor's wife, soldier's wife, teacher's wife, or any other wife in the church.
The pastor's wife is to serve her husband and the church the way the Holy Spirit has gifted her to serve. Nothing more. Nothing less. After all, the Spirit of God is the One who places all of us in the church, pastors included. But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased.
The problems with our practice and understanding come from tradition or inference. Because God has said nothing about pastors' wives specifically, people often feel free to fill in the blanks with their theories, which tend to ignore or conflict with God's Word. This artificial practice of crafting "proper" roles for pastors’ wives creates incredible undue pressure. The poor pastor's wife is often left carrying burdens that the Holy Spirit will never help her carry because He didn’t give them to her!
Across the Church, pastors’ wives are pressured to be co-pastors, defacto women's ministry pastors, Bible teachers (to women at the very least), prayer leaders, counselors, small group leaders, and everything else the church thinks it needs. And since the pastor trusts her implicitly (and often because he doesn't want to argue with other women), he agrees to these unbiblical demands. In essence, pastors’ wives are expected to hold the church together by being everything their husband needs and everything the congregation expects. Sadly, we forget that only Jesus Christ, through the work of the Holy Spirit, holds His church together and not a redeemed imperfect lady who married a redeemed imperfect man.
Without question, the woman married to a pastor faces unique difficulties, and God will meet her with unique grace, but even that in and of itself does not constitute a unique situation. The woman who marries a doctor faces unique challenges, as does the woman who marries a soldier, a politician, a missionary, a policeman, a drunkard, or the woman who becomes a widower, has children, or no children, etc. A pastor's wife has the same promises of mercy and grace all wives receive. God has called them to their specific position just as He has called all wives to various functions in His kingdom.
Allow me to state the biblical role of a pastor's wife in the church. It is the same thing that her role would be in the church if she were not married to the pastor. The marriage covenant does not determine spiritual gifts. There is no spiritual gift of "pastor’s wife.” God has declared what His expectations are for all women in the Church: to faithfully recognize and take up their Spirit-given place as a healthy member of His Body.
The woman who is married to a pastor in the church must do two things:
1) Be a faithful wife in the same way God has called all women to be faithful to their marriage—and their children if God blesses them with any.
2) To exercise the spiritual gifts that the Holy Spirit has given to her for the profit of all.
That means the pastor’s wife should decide how she serves in the church, not by expectation or perceived need, and not even by what her husband wants, but by obedience to the Holy Spirit. She should serve as God has gifted her, whether that means teaching women or children, leading a women’s ministry or a children’s ministry, in worship, helps, giving, administrating, hospitality, discipling junior high and high school girls, or in serving behind the scenes as an intercessor.
All women in the church must do what God has gifted them to do—nothing less and nothing more. If their husbands die, they should continue to do the same. It is okay if it takes some time for a pastor’s wife to figure out her spiritual gifts. That happens to all of us, pastors included. It is not okay to ignore that only God and His gifting through the Holy Spirit establishes our roles in the church. Just because God doesn’t state specific roles for pastors’ wives doesn’t mean we have the freedom to do whatever we want or think.
Pastors and their wives need to understand this for two reasons.
First, because we serve God. Anything else is sin. It may be a sin of ignorance, but it is sin. We must not attempt anything more or less than the Holy Spirit has gifted us to do. If I try to do something God has not gifted me to do, I will inevitably burn out and wound the body of Christ. Sadly, many pastors and have wounded their marriages, families, and fellowships by placing unbiblical expectations on their wives and pressuring them into positions of authority God never intended.
Second, God doesn’t want one of His beloved daughters to serve Him while struggling under a heavy yoke He has not placed on them. Jesus only wants you to carry His yoke, which is easy and light. Jesus wants to give rest to the souls of His restless and overburdened daughters. The Head of the Church wants His pastors’ wives to learn the freedom of serving Him in the liberty of the Spirit and not under the heavy expectations of people to whom they will not be eternally accountable.
That is the Bible's clarity, and we must abide in His Word! If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.