Mike Focht 9/19/2025
Marriage was God’s idea. It is God’s institution. As the Creator of marriage, God knows what we need to do and what we need to hear about our marriages. Most of what the Scriptures tell us about marriage is easy to understand but not so easy to put into practice. Not because our marriages are broken, but because we are broken. All marriages will have problems because all marriages are between two sinful individuals with individual issues.
One of the essential things God knew married couples needed to hear comes from Paul. The inspired apostle wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:3: Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. This Scripture is speaking about marital intimacy, and there is much we could say in that regard, but I want to point out that the commands of Christ are tests for our spiritual health. Does your heart drop at the thought of obeying this command? If so, your marriage is in trouble. It is not functioning as the Creator intended.
Sadly, it is all too common that pastors, counselors, and friends hear stories where a couple is announcing the end of their marriage. These types of confessions often seem to come out of the blue for those outside of the marriage. What has happened? One of the things that usually comes out is that the marriage has been so broken that there has been no marital intimacy for years. A crisis has publicly emerged, but privately, this command of the Lord has been ignored for a long time. God has so designed sexual relations in marriage that any problems that would interfere with a couple’s desire and availability to render proper affection must be addressed—not ignored. In other words, ignoring the sins that lead to willingly ignoring sexual relations is itself a form of rebellious sin. Such a marriage is dying. The Scriptural command to marital intimacy is a test of marital health.
I am not speaking about exceptional situations. Disease and health issues can make sexual relations impossible in a marriage. Similarly, couples can agree to separate for a time to seek the Lord, as Paul allows in the same section. What I am speaking about is two sinful people living together who can work on their issues but instead choose to ignore them and, by doing so, also ignore the Lord’s command to render proper affection to their spouse. If the way I am treating my spouse would cause them to push away from me, I must repent and change the way I am treating my spouse.
Marital intimacy binds two people together. Marital isolation hardens them apart. When either side of a marital couple begins to adjust to life independently from their spouse, a marriage has officially started to die. Separation, distrust, and coldness become the norm, rather than companionship, trust, and affection being nurtured in their relationship. No one can live in such a state for long. Eventually, one partner begins to look for affection outside of their marriage. Satan has deceived them.
In doing so, they will face a double defeat. First, they will not have repented from the sin that broke their marriage in the first place. Ignored or rebellious brokenness will only follow them into the next relationship. Second, the peace they seek to find in disobedience to God can only be found in obedience to God. Satan loves to twist and pervert marital intimacy. The devil will do anything he can to get people sexually involved before marriage and anything he can to keep people sexually isolated after marriage. Both God and Satan know how this works—we, as foolish and weak humans, tend to be deceived.
My plea to any married individual or couple reading this is straightforward. Suppose the brokenness of sin has so affected your marital relationship that you cannot obey Paul’s clear command to be intimate with your spouse. In that case, it is time to humble yourselves, repent, and get the help your marriage needs. Deal with your sin issues by all means available to you! Correction, repentance, confession, pastoral involvement, counseling, medication, and any other necessary measures to address the problems causing isolation are all beneficial. The one path you cannot take as a married individual is to ignore the situation and ignore your spouse. Don’t hide. Face reality head-on and heed the warning of God’s necessary marital health test!